Hi Haggis.
Have you managed to fix your roof yet?
Lately I've been putting more on my plate than I can eat, but instead of feeling the usual exhaustion, it's like a shot of energy. I want to do everything. Oh god, Haggis, you know I've always wanted to do everything. I want to fill my mouth with experiences, I want to vomit them up like cheap vodka in a dive bar you've been dragged into at night. I want to experience the next day's hangover, promise myself it won't happen again, and repeat it over and over until I rot.Have you fixed your roof yet?
If you need help, let me know.
I miss you.
Hi Haggis.
Is it still leaking when it rains?
I should stop waiting for you to answer my letters and just show up at your house with a handyman.My fingers are a mess; lately I've been so anxious I can't stop biting them.
Do you think if I could devour another person this urge for self-cannibalism would disappear? Would it only calm it for a couple of days?Maybe my brain is only interested in self-consumption.
I'm making progress on my Master's thesis. I'd like to work long-term at the place where I'm doing my internship. I've offered something to the Virgin Mary; all I can do now is have faith. After all, the world has an absurd knack for putting me right where I need to be.This year has been the hardest and at the same time the most rewarding I can remember. Tears of gratitude just from being alive come to my eyes. God, Haggis, do you remember when we used to stay up late thinking this would never happen, that at most we only had a couple of years left? God, we were just kids.
Lately, I'm falling in love with life again and again, falling in love with my boyfriend, my dog, and my friends. I think at the end of the day I'm so anxious because I've only learned to manage the pain.
All of this is new.
Anyway, if the universe wants me to help you with that roof, you'll find me around.
I'm always where I'm meant to be.
I love you so much, Haggis.
Hi Haggis.
Have you drowned yet?
I certainly felt like I had. Forgive me, I don't know how much help I can offer you with this letter, I have so much to tell youWhat can I say, Haggis? In short, we were a group of six friends, and now we're five. I don't even feel that bad about what caused the whole fallout in the first place, but I'm utterly exhausted.
It really was something that could have been easily fixed, but the disproportionate reactions, the insistence, and the constant "tests" where we had to prove our affection was enough to meet ever-changing and impossible standards—these things gradually accumulated. In the end, I exploded. It wasn't like the outbursts I used to have when we were together, which I'm proud of, but I ended up telling this person everything. I've never seen someone backtrack so quickly, denying their own words and re-crossing boundaries again and again, not to mention the guilt tripping.